Warning: There be fanfiction.
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The continuing adventures of France, the UEFA coefficient
France was furious as she stood staring at Russia's house. She had transferred her anger from her younger sister Portugal onto a more deserving target in Russia. Italy had unceremoniously rejected France's younger sisters advances anyway. He claimed that he wanted to stay single for now and had no desire get closer to Portugal, plus he still had his sight set on Germany, who had been so successfull last season. Even if the shine was starting to come off slightly.
France though had bigger problems than thinking about the unhealthy love- hate relationship between Italy and Germany. Russia was stalking her and this being Russia we're talking about it was quite a scary situation to be in. She had realised this with quite a shock during the last couple of month. First it had been nothing but a vague feeling, the one that somebody is watching you while you are not looking. Eyes staring when your back is turned. She had told herself not to be paranoid, but then she had noticed a figure moving in the shadows, following her where ever she was going. France's delicate nervous costume, already not in the best of shapes after the stunt her younger sister Portugal had pulled on her, was close to a breakdown.
One day she had met Ukraine while shopping. Ukraine was an easy guy to talk to, and needing someone to share her worries with to she had told him about her suspicions. Ukraine nodded. "Ah, yes, I know who is stalking you, you are not paranoid. It's my sister Russia. She seems to have developed an...unfortunate obsession to coming closer to you, overtaking you, as she put it." Poor Ukraine blushed and looked very uncomfortable. He didn't dare tell France that he was somewhat crushing on her too.
But France was not interesting in Ukraine anyway. Instead she was furious, first her sister Portugal, now she was being stalked by Russia?! It was too much.
So she had marched up to Russias house in righteous anger and knocked at the door loudly. It took sometime before Russia came and opened the door. She was dressed quite richely (a symbol of her new found wealth and status since the end of communism), and there was something about her smile that set France on edge. Russia was scary. "Oh France, how lovely to see you. How may I help you?" Russia said.
France took a deep breath: "I noticed that you were stalking me and I want you to stop it!" Russia just kept on smiling amicably. "Oh, you noticed me following you? Don't worry about that, I have since decided I'd rather go out with your sister Portugal, she is much more attractive than you." And with that parting shot Russia closed the door in France's face.
France fell to her knees, a terrible wail of anguish forcing itself from her throat. "Poooooooortuuuugaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!"
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Over in Romania's house, the support group for depressed leagues was meeting to welcome their new member Netherlands, a pretty girl prone to anxiety attacks. Unlike Romania, Norway and Scotland who by now had arranged themselves with their fate (with the help of some Whiskey generously provided by Scotland for those occasions). There had been some discussion whether Netherlands even qualified as a depressed league, considering her still comparatively high standings, but Scotland had argued that your position didn't matter, it mattered how you felt. Netherlands downwarde slide was recent and she was still in the stage where every result was watched with apprehension.
"Just relax and let it come to you," Scotland advised sagely. "There is no needs to stress yourself over the results, just enjoy the European nights against the big teams. Being the underdog is fun, and if you have success against the odds everyone will praise you." Netherlands wrung her hands. "It's just so difficult to let go when you had such good times, you know? Ajax and Feyenoord and PSV, I used to have such excellent clubs represent me in our competitions. And now, I have to be glad when my clubs make it through the qualifiers!"
Norway nodded in understanding, he had gone through a similar development (though on a smaller scale) with Rosenborg. Scotland and Romania looked at Netherlands sympathetically and Scotland handed her the Whiskey bottle without comment.
Netherlands accepted the bottle and took a deep mouth full of Whiskey. She ignored the moving coffin lid behind her.
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At the top, Spain was still regarding the squabbling of the other leagues with faint amusement.
Mittwoch, 11. Dezember 2013
Donnerstag, 13. Juni 2013
Namibia vs Nigeria, WCQ Report
So then, I went to see my first ever World Cup Qualifying Game in Africa...
Since I am currently in Namibia I decided to seize the opportunity and go watch the the Brave Warriors (Namibia) take on the Super Eagles of Nigeria, reigning African Cup of Nations Champions. And it was a super fun experience, for the fraction of the price of what I'd have to pay to see Germany play.
Just to provide a bit of background: Namibia are currently 120th in the FIFA World Rankings, missing several of their best players through injury and had just lost their Swedish coach Roger Palmgren who resigned just this past weekend, citing threats against his family. Though rumour has it that he wants to join compatriot Sven Goran Erikson on a more lucrative coaching gig in China. Anyways, not the best preparations for the Brave Warriors to face a Nigeria including Chealsea's John Obi Mikel and a full contingent of professionals plying their trade all over Europe. Including Köln's very own Anthony Ujah.
The situation in the group was thus that Nigeria were already on eight points, Malawi on six, Namibia on four and Kenya just on two. A win for Nigeria would already have certainly qualified them for the World Cup in Brazil.
On to the actual match. The match took place at the Sam Nujoma Stadium in Katutura, Windhoek. It's the national stadium (capacity 10 300 which seems not much by European standards, but then Namibia only has about 2 million inhabitants). Since public transports not really a thing in Namibia we took the car and when we arrived a quater to kick- off we could already see that the game would be a big event, by Namibian standards (usually the stadium is three- quaters empty for NT games). But the Super Eagles are a big draw- since there also is a sizable Nigerian minority living and working in Namibia- and parking was hard to come to. The designated parking lot in front of the stadium was already filled to the brim, and people had taken to just parking their cars anywhere on the sidewalks were there was space. Luckily we found a nice space there also for our small car and just walked the rest of the way on foot with the crowd.
The atmosphere was brimming with excitement, people carrying Namibia flags, cooking traditional meat on the sideways and a general buzz in the air, though everything was peacefull. We got inside the stadium without problems (and minimal security checks) and found ourselves a nice place on the main stand. I was impressed with how clean and modern everything was, from the artificial turf, to the floodlights, to the actual stands (though I didn't check out the toilet facilities. *ahem*). There were no plastic seats, instead we sat on the usual concrete slabs, but had come prepared with blankets knowing this. The stadium was three- quaters full, one of the best attendences for Namibia I've seen.
The actual match was occassionally low on quality, as you'd expect when the FIFA World Ranking Nr. 120 is playing. Nigeria dominated the first half though Namibia fought really well and managed to go into half- time with a very respectable 0-0 scoreline. I was really enarmoured with the atmosphere, I must say. There wasn't the 90 minutes organized Ultra chanting like in Germany, but there were Vuvuzelas, Drums, and a constant buzz of "Ooohs" and "Aaahs" and shouts of encouragment or disappointment.
In the second half Namibia really started taking the game to Nigeria, who looked increasingly out of ideas (playing at 1800 m altitute might also have played a role). When Namibia took the lead through a well worked attack and a really nice sidevolley, the crowd went absolutely crazy, to an extent I've seldom seen in Germany, with people running up and down the aisles hugging everyone or even spontaniously starting to dance :D. Nigeria equalized soon after, with a direct freekick, pretty much their only chance in the second half.
Anyways, the match ended 1-1, which was a fair result and a decent result for Namibia. When we left, we saw that we were lucky to have parked outside the designated parking lot because it was absolute chaos, with cars trying to go this way and that, all pointing in different directions, while the pedestrians where blocking all the exits. But since we had parked outside we had no problems leaving. Overall, I really enjoyed both the match and the atmosphere, everyone stayed friendly, and it was a great experience.
Since I am currently in Namibia I decided to seize the opportunity and go watch the the Brave Warriors (Namibia) take on the Super Eagles of Nigeria, reigning African Cup of Nations Champions. And it was a super fun experience, for the fraction of the price of what I'd have to pay to see Germany play.
Just to provide a bit of background: Namibia are currently 120th in the FIFA World Rankings, missing several of their best players through injury and had just lost their Swedish coach Roger Palmgren who resigned just this past weekend, citing threats against his family. Though rumour has it that he wants to join compatriot Sven Goran Erikson on a more lucrative coaching gig in China. Anyways, not the best preparations for the Brave Warriors to face a Nigeria including Chealsea's John Obi Mikel and a full contingent of professionals plying their trade all over Europe. Including Köln's very own Anthony Ujah.
The situation in the group was thus that Nigeria were already on eight points, Malawi on six, Namibia on four and Kenya just on two. A win for Nigeria would already have certainly qualified them for the World Cup in Brazil.
On to the actual match. The match took place at the Sam Nujoma Stadium in Katutura, Windhoek. It's the national stadium (capacity 10 300 which seems not much by European standards, but then Namibia only has about 2 million inhabitants). Since public transports not really a thing in Namibia we took the car and when we arrived a quater to kick- off we could already see that the game would be a big event, by Namibian standards (usually the stadium is three- quaters empty for NT games). But the Super Eagles are a big draw- since there also is a sizable Nigerian minority living and working in Namibia- and parking was hard to come to. The designated parking lot in front of the stadium was already filled to the brim, and people had taken to just parking their cars anywhere on the sidewalks were there was space. Luckily we found a nice space there also for our small car and just walked the rest of the way on foot with the crowd.
The atmosphere was brimming with excitement, people carrying Namibia flags, cooking traditional meat on the sideways and a general buzz in the air, though everything was peacefull. We got inside the stadium without problems (and minimal security checks) and found ourselves a nice place on the main stand. I was impressed with how clean and modern everything was, from the artificial turf, to the floodlights, to the actual stands (though I didn't check out the toilet facilities. *ahem*). There were no plastic seats, instead we sat on the usual concrete slabs, but had come prepared with blankets knowing this. The stadium was three- quaters full, one of the best attendences for Namibia I've seen.
The actual match was occassionally low on quality, as you'd expect when the FIFA World Ranking Nr. 120 is playing. Nigeria dominated the first half though Namibia fought really well and managed to go into half- time with a very respectable 0-0 scoreline. I was really enarmoured with the atmosphere, I must say. There wasn't the 90 minutes organized Ultra chanting like in Germany, but there were Vuvuzelas, Drums, and a constant buzz of "Ooohs" and "Aaahs" and shouts of encouragment or disappointment.
In the second half Namibia really started taking the game to Nigeria, who looked increasingly out of ideas (playing at 1800 m altitute might also have played a role). When Namibia took the lead through a well worked attack and a really nice sidevolley, the crowd went absolutely crazy, to an extent I've seldom seen in Germany, with people running up and down the aisles hugging everyone or even spontaniously starting to dance :D. Nigeria equalized soon after, with a direct freekick, pretty much their only chance in the second half.
Anyways, the match ended 1-1, which was a fair result and a decent result for Namibia. When we left, we saw that we were lucky to have parked outside the designated parking lot because it was absolute chaos, with cars trying to go this way and that, all pointing in different directions, while the pedestrians where blocking all the exits. But since we had parked outside we had no problems leaving. Overall, I really enjoyed both the match and the atmosphere, everyone stayed friendly, and it was a great experience.
Mittwoch, 6. März 2013
UEFA Coefficients: The fanfiction
Because it needed to be done.
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France was furious. She'd recently won the lottery and used the money for a complete make- over- new hair, new teeth, new dresses, new everything- but the other leagues still were ignoring her. Many of her children, the ungrateful bastards, had moved out to Newcastle and London in search of jobs and money (bloody Hollande and his 75 percent tax rate). All she'd gotten in return was an ex- convict with a twitter addiction and an aging former underwear modell. Though he at least was good for a spot of publicity. Even her little sister, Portugal, garnered more attention than her, with everybody complimenting her on her natural loveliness. To make matters worse, both sisters had developed a crush on Italy and were vying for his attention.
"How could you betray me like this?" France had challenged Portugal when the two had last met. "Italy is the love of my life, for years I have been trying to get closer to him, and then you just come along and challenge me like this." Tears shimmered in her eyes.
"I am sorry sister," Portugal replied, not quite sincerely, "but I just couldn't wait anymore, for years I have stood by and watched you do nothing. I tried relationships with Russia, the Netherlands and Ukraine, but they were not what I wanted. I want to reach higher. I believe I can do better, and you will not stop me." At this point France had left the room, slamming the door shut behind her, not being able to take it anymore.
Then there was Germany, of course. Not only had he completely ignored her, even when he'd fallen on such hard times that he'd been forced to loan money from Romania, but had then started a drawn out and complicated love- hate relationship with Italy. And everbody knew that Italy had his best times behind him! The transplanted hair and fancy clothes barely concealing the ravages of time, his whole infrastructure creaking. But then Germany- who was currently going through a hipster phase, scarf, horn- rimmed spectacles and low- slung skinny jeans included- had unceremoniously dumped Italy only to focus his attention on England next, still ignoring poor France. England! Who herself was going through a mid life crisis if sorts. She'd been at the hight of her powers, but recently she was starting to question herself after having already lost top spot to Spain.
France sighed and flopped down on her bed. She would show them all, she swore to herself, for now she had a knight in shining armour, who would win the tournament for her.
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At the same time, Romania was hosting a party for leagues that had fallen on hard times in his basement. Scotland sat next to him, moodily munching on a piece of haggis and listening to him whine. "I used to be a star," Romania complained. " Up and coming. A big future ahead of me, they said. And now look at me. I don't even get invited into the jungle camp, and they take every Z- list celebrity they can get." "Ay, I know what you mean. I never used to be a huge star but still got my fair share of attention. And now? Nothing." Scotland agreed sadly while examining a couple of coffins stacked against the wall at the far side of the room. She could have sworn she'd seen one of the lids move but put it down to too much vodka.
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Meanwhile, Spain was looking down at them all and quietly laughing to herself.
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